I was chosen by a deer.
And I think I chose her too.
This deer was dying
She was wasting
I loved and listened to all the deer who stop on their morning and evening rotations
But she was this ghostly spectre, on the sidelines
It was important for me to listen when she came around
Once she told me she wanted a drink when the water bowls were just 10 feet from where she was standing.
I’d moved them
She wanted a drink where they used to be
And she told me by staring at me through the large window that separated us
She stared at me so intently
So I got a bowl of water and took it out to her.
She drank from that bowl 🙂
I was delighted to hear her request.
Would anyone else have heard her?
Sometimes she’d just appear when there were no other deer around.
And I got to practice loving her
Because I couldn’t do anything more than love her or listen for anything she wanted to tell me
She was SO thin.
I will build no walls
To save me from associated pain
I will love her
She died in our side yard and I found her on the way to our Sunday Starbucks run
Being human I recoiled from her sprawling shape
Not realizing that it was her
A part of me was scared
Her jutting bones were the clue
And I sat with her then
Slowing down for other clues
She lay in a 3’x3’ flower bed my mom had once planted which had a few dry remnants of end of summer flowers.
The security video showed she’d arrived at 4 am and nibbled at those flowers.
And then lowered herself to the ground where she rested for an hour chewing her cud.
And she lay down and died.
And then I’m thunderstruck with a realization
She chose where she would die
That tiny garden which is so close to the house no deer are ever there
And she chose ME
For that garden is right outside my bedroom window.
As someone who didn’t often feel chosen & I know that’s a junior high memory
Nonetheless having an innocent child of nature choose where to die
And to have it be in the garden my mom started with a packet of wildflower seeds I gave her once upon a time
And that she was scarcely 10 feet from where I was sleeping
My heart exploded
With the feeling of love that comes from deep connection with nature or the Universe
Humbled, grateful, filled
I was chosen by a deer